My name is Macalister Scrum, and you may be familiar with my adventures as an IT Detective. As of right now I only have one mystery to solve: how to book my next assignment.
If you’re on the job hunt like me nowadays, even scoring an interview is about as easy as uploading a terabyte in a hurricane. Fortunately, the good folks at FocusOnJobs.com have a stellar job search engine, and resources I need to solve The Case of the Unemployed IT Detective.
Being out of work doesn’t sit well with Mac Scrum, so I had a long overdue visit to my local tonsorial for a shave and trim, donned my best serge suit, looked at myself in the highboy mirror and said, “Mac, you’ve got a titanium jaw. You’re 6 feet 2 inches of tough. Now do something really tough, and write a summary paragraph that highlights your skills and experience relevant to the qualifications on the IT Detective job post you found on FocusOnJobs.com.”
In addition to other resume tips, I learned I should focus on networking, so I reached out to every rotter, moll, and piker from my checkered past, and sanitized my social media, deleting any compromising posts from when our palavers got out of hand.
As you can tell from the dated vocabulary, Mac Scrum has been in the IT Detective business since before circuit boards replaced vacuum tubes, so I took the advice on how older job seekers can compete with the young Wobblies.
With the help of FocusOnJobs.com, I booked my first video interview! I also acted on their recommendation and upgraded to a high-quality web cam, and tested it ahead of time on the family Zoom meeting. The microphone worked great, but my face was more out of focus than a French Impressionist landscape. I was too busy troubleshooting to pay attention to the typical family banter, currently dominated by young Helen A. Haltertop, whose sock puppet and cocker spaniel review was in its third act. She broke character, looked into the camera, made a twisting motion with her puppet-free hand and said, “Hey Uncle Mac, turn the knob on the webcam to focus, just like your old Kodak.” I couldn’t believe it. Mac Scrum, the IT professional, schooled by his eleven-year-old niece on the family Zoom. The extra money I spent on the webcam meant my crimson complexion was transmitted to all attendees in vibrant high definition, now in perfect focus. I re-read the article on best practices because I had to be as sure of my video conference skills as Bing Crosby is sure to get the girl at the end of the picture.
Fortunately for me, FocusOnJobs.com has some great advice on how to put a positive spin on getting fired, because, let’s just say my dated language can cause misunderstandings, like when I ordered a highball with two good hookers of rye at the holiday party while Juana Saythatagain, the HR Director was volunteering as bartender.
I also got the scoop on what questions to ask in the interview, including how much dough we’re talking about.
I’ve read almost all the career resources articles and follow FocusOnJobs.com on social media like my niece follows the Teen Choice Awards.